Sunday, May 7, 2017 @ 6:57 AM | 0 notes
Chee Ming,
I am not sure if this is counted as I am still liking you or I am used to be liking you. Somehow I would think of you whenever someone mentions about boyfriend. I am starting to feel like that the reason I could not let this feeling fade as I have not given my best. I do not want to give up without trying. However, there is a obstacle for me moving forward. I am a coward. I am afraid of being rejected and this is why I have been struggling on how am I supposed to confess to you.
Many people have persuaded me that I should have long tell you how I feel as there are no more time to waste. Yet, I am procrastinating and all because I know I am not the one that you like. Well, even you don't say so, your action does. I wonder what is feeling to be in love. Do you know? It seems kind of sweet and sour or maybe bitter. I do not know because I have never been in love.
To have someone liking you, what is the feeling? I have never been loved by anyone before. Thus, if you have this feeling before, could you tell me how does it feel like being loved by someone? I do not think I am afraid of falling in love and neither do I tried to push someone away. My mum said I always rejecting and refusing to try falling in love with someone. Did I?
Did I ever tried pushing you away? I did not, right? I am not refusing any chances of being loved by someone. Most of the people around always trying to match-make me with someone just because I am single. I don't like being forced to like someone I don't. Neither do them, right? I had this scary memories of having rumors in primary school where everyone claimed that person was my boyfriend even the fact it wasn't.
This experience made me to learn I have to distance myself so I don't get any untrue rumors of me running around in school. I do not why I am so afraid to tell you the truth that I like you. Is it just solely I am scared of being rejected? I am not so low self-esteem. Or maybe I feel that you are too good for me? Or maybe I do not fit into your categorizes for friends? I don't know why.
I only know I have the eager to message you but I don't have the courage to do so. I hope one day I have this sudden courage to do so and to confess my this hidden feelings to you. Chee Ming, could you take initiative to message me? I don't want to always be the one trying to initiate conversation with you. I tried not to believe what the internet says that if a person likes you, they would always message you as this only gives me the impression that you don't like me.
I am still having this little hope that you would like me thought it is only like 0.05%. Even so, I would like to try before giving up. I don't want to regret in future as I remember this part of my life and I didn't give my best to make you realize I like you. I thought this feeling would fade but it didn't and this is what scares me. Why am I like this? This is so scary. I would make you know how much I like you and make you reject me in a proper way. In this way, I would not regret in future as I look back in my life.
GANBATTE! THICK FACE IS BETTER THAN REGRET.
