Wednesday, February 15, 2017 @ 9:24 AM | 0 notes
YOSH!
It's the night before my flight to Japan.
I am in seventh heaven!
Japan is one of the country which I longed to visit.
All because my so called "husbands" are living there.
Btw, FTISLAND is going to be in Japan too.
I am not sure for what though.
Hence, all FTISLAND, ARASHI and Yabu Kota would be in Japan,
the period I am in Japan.
However, JAPAN IS SO FREAKING BIG.
The probability I would bump into them is most likely zero!
Anyway, I would just want to enjoy the my trip there.
There is a person I am missing so much right now.
Guess you all should know who I am referring to.
I do not know why I am behaving like this recently.
I am beginning to hate myself.
Flipping through the conversation we had over the social medias chat box,
refreshing all platforms of SNS to see if there is any update from him.
I am like those jealous girlfriends afraid of own partner cheating on them.
The only difference is he isn't mine to start with.
Why do I like someone who doesn't like me?
And worse of all, I am still thinking of him.
One year already, isn't that supposed to be enough?
The moment my brain got the time to rest, I begin to fall for him again.
In conclusion, I just have to keep myself busy all the time so I can don't remember him?
It shouldn't be like this.
Valentine's day,
he been liking all those single posts on instagram.
Is he trying to tell everyone he is single?
I must be mad, really mad.
Who cares is he is single when I don't even know who he likes?
He said he didn't want a girlfriend,
and he is so desperate in finding one right now.
What's this?
Kidding me?
I am so wrong.
I am not wrong in falling in love with him,
but I am super wrong in thinking he likes me too.
Guess I've think too much,
how could he ever like me?
I am merely his friend, stranger would be a better word to describe.
Sometimes, I would like to learn those girls with courage and confidence.
I hate myself for thinking this and that,
all this are just my thoughts.
I just don't dare to ask how he feels about me.
Worrying he might reject me,
I just wouldn't take a step forward.
So I am now causing myself to have headache everyday.
JUST to think if he likes me or not.
I am really tired, I do not want to guess anymore.
Should I confess? Should I give up?
I think loving someone is the hardest question I had in my life.
There are solutions to all the questions on the exam paper,
but not when it comes to relationship.
He might like me, as a friend.
He might don't like me.
The only thing is he would never sees me more than a friend.
There is a quote for one-sided love and I like it so much,
The world farthest distance isn't how far apart we are,
it's I am standing in front of you yet you do not know I like you.
Chee Ming,
I hope one day when you finally know my feelings,
I am still in love with you.
Cause I never want to lose a chance to be with you.
I am dreaming every single night that I would finally have you.
However, once I am awake,
being with you is just a dream.
I do not know how to make you like me,
but if I ever gives up.
Maybe it is just that I wait too long.
Damn cancer horoscope!
Why just cant I make the first move?
Is my pride really that important?
I long to have you, knowing it is impossible.
Maybe I shouldn't read those
"how to know if the guy is liking me" questions on Google,
then I wouldn't think that you would me too.
So I could have put this feeling down even faster.
I know how love feels,
it is so difficult and pain.
If it is so easy to know how you feel about me,
then I won't have to figure out your feelings.
It is so pain as if one day,
you really have a girlfriend.
I am unsure if I could take it in easily.
The me you know isn't that strong.
Please use the most painless way to make me walk away.
I think I am in fault too.
I regret when the times when you played with me, I chose to walk away.
I think that's the reason why you are leaving me too.
Is it because you feel I am ignoring you?
I am sorry!
Cancers are like this.
They only know how to walk away when trouble comes.
I am not ignoring you, I am just afraid if the more I talk to you,
and you teasing me, I would just think that you like me too when there is not the truth.
I know since young that this world does not have beautiful ending
like those in the fairytales,
I know there are no prince to every princess,
I walk away is because I don't want to be in hurt as
I know the one in your heart wont be me.
I feel so dumb to think that you like me.
Look at me,
I am not pretty,
I am not smart,
how could you like me? right?
Just let me stand afar,
liking you is uncontrollable.
Until the day you have a girlfriend,
though I wish this day would never come,
I will then walk away.
because I am so stupid to continue liking you,
even though you don't like me.
I don't even know why I am so persistent in this unrequited love.
