Thursday, February 2, 2017 @ 8:32 AM | 0 notes
Konnichiwa!
Before I forget to update this blog within this year,
I shall post one first.
I'm just getting more and more lazier to say out all my feelings.
No one ever understands how I actually feel.
Thus, the point of me saying out is kind of useless.
There's nobody in this world put themselves in my shoe and think from my point of view.
Hence, only me myself knows me the most.
I told you so many times that I am not happy,
but did you even care?
I am really tired. I am already living like a walking dead.
All I ever did since I start my working life is to wake up, go work, come back, sleep.
This kind of "no life" , how long more am I supposed to endure it?
My idols are the only pushing force for me right now.
If they aren't there, I am about to breakdown soon.
I've to put up with so many people until that I feel life isn't that great anymore.
Things I learnt in adult world is to be as FAKE as you can.
There isn't anybody in this world who are actually caring.
They are all busy with their lives, no one will think of you. NO ONE.
I am about to explode anytime.
Yet, I could only angry at certain timing.
Hey, I am also a human being. I have the right to be angry.
You don't allow me to use the toilet, don't allow me to talk,
now you still want to snatch the right of me to be angry?
Am I like a dog to you? Even dogs have their rights.
Why should I endure this shits you giving?
Only remember me when you needed help?
You are all the same!
I am seriously tired.
Don't ever try to stop me spending on my idols
as for now, only my idols could make me laugh.
Please think before you talk.
You said to ask my idols for money?
Hello, who could I ask for money in this family?
NO ONE OKAYY!
I needed money to buy laptop, there is no one I could actually turn to in this family.
People said family is there for you in times of trouble.
Yet for my case, I am the one who is offering help and solutions.
I have learnt to be independent as only me could save myself.
I hated A Maths but I continued because you said learn more while you're young.
I pleaded for tuition and you don't allow.
When he studied A maths in POLY, he could turn to me for help.
I am really not good in A Maths, so I rejected.
WHO THE FUCK IS HIM TO SCOLD ME?
Is there anyone in this world who get scolded for teaching someone?
No right!
I depend on myself for help while you could rely on someone else.
What I got is based on my own effort, you people got no right to criticize me.
I lend you money to pay phone bills, school fees and concert tickets.
You didn't pay me and turn the other way round claiming I am the one who owed you.
I kept quiet.
You pushed the limit even further by treating me worse than a prisoner.
Don't come to me when you need help in future.
How dare you to treat me like this?
The rest knew yet continued to side her.
Why is my life worse than Cinderella?
She got bullied by her step sisters, and I am bullied by my own sister.
I don't know how long more I could endure all this.
It is not me to keep quiet after suffering all these unfairness.
For the sake of peace for this family, I am shutting my mouth up.
You all didn't even realize that, am I right?
AS YOU ALL THINK I AM GOOD TO BULLY BEACUSE I WONT SAY ANYTHING
Don't ever pushes my limit, or I will let you live in misery.
I wonder is there anyone in this who adores me?
I guess no as no one would want to love me.
I am here to just be bullied.
Classmates looked down on me, I endured.
Classmates bullied me, I endured.
Teacher thought I am useless, I admit.
Friends betrayed me, I forgive.
Family treated me like shit, I keep quiet.
Fine. Is there anyone who is not happy and need a sandbag?
I am here.
I really need someone who loves me more than they love themselves.
People I know are too selfish as they could only remembered themselves.
They always put themselves in the top priority.
TIRED with my life.
Now, I don't things too seriously as before.
I don't care if you are going to continue treating me like this.
I would just take it as a bee is singing.
I have got no more energy to rebut. No more.
Love relationships is what I hope to have now.
I really need someone to love me.
This world is just too cold and fake.
I am beginning to lose hopes.
Before I really does, please have someone to love me.
They said a relationship could hurts much.
I don't care about this, I just need someone to rely on.
However, I couldn't like anyone else except him.
He is still in my heart.
In order to love somebody else, I need to move him out first.
I could not move ahead as he is tying me down.
I dare not to confess as I am afraid I would ruin this weak friendship we have.
I am in dilemma.
As if I don't confess, I can't move on.
And if I confess and it does not turn out well, I will lose a friend.
I hate to love him but I did.
I don't understand this feelings.
Is it I could not let go a 8 years one-sided love?
OR I am reluctant to let go as I would regret if I don't have an answer to this?
Could anyone tell me what to do?
I don't want to lose this friend and I want to move on from this one-sided love.
HCM, if you know I like you, please give me an answer.
I am already turning 22, I don't want to be left on the shelves in the future.
Let me go. PLEASE!
So if HCM, give me an answer.
I won't bugged you if you don't like me.
As in the first place, I already knew you doesn't like me.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU ALREADY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
I am not sure if I could take it but I will move on.
Thanks in advance.
Anyway, love you like I always did!
WAN AN
