Wednesday, February 8, 2017 @ 7:10 AM | 0 notes
Ohayo?
I'm sorry, it should be Gonbanwa as it is already half past ten in the night.
I wonder what have to me beginning of this week where I have not stopped thinking about him.
Oh, come on.
It has already been 8 years since I selfishly started this one-sided love for him.
This should be more than enough.
The time to put down this fruitless love and move on.
Yet, I seems to be missing him more than usual.
What am I doing?
If you like him, just confess to him!
He has the right to know someone like me is loving him so much.
Many would tell me this.
However, in every relationship, there will be a coward.
I am the coward here in this case.
I really dare not tell him how I feel as I am totally afraid of rejection.
Okay, it is me. I hold my pride up too high and not willing to put down.
I always feel guy should be the one to take the initiative to confess.
How old fashion minded am I?
He too!
Why isn't him getting a girlfriend?
I do not feel his looking is that bad and he is quite humorous too.
One more thing, he totally fits the counsellor role as he is really good in comforting people.
Just how many years I took to force myself to put down this feeling and forget him?
And why am I always falling for him every time I sees stuff related to him?
Chee Ming, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TO SEIZE MY FEELINGS ALL THE TIME?
I just wanna forget the fact I like you and from so,
I could fall for another guy.
Idols are not real, I know.
Yet, you shouldn't let me locked up in this "unknown" relationship
which will not lead me to anywhere.
I want to break free.
One-sided love is just too painful for me.
8 years! It has already been 8 years!
Why am I still liking you?
The current me did not change, I still don't have the courage to tell my feelings to you.
I thought you would find out eventually or did I hide my feelings so perfectly?
You should have known already.
I feels my actions are quite obvious.
We were friends till secondary three and I was the one who stopped all conversation.
I am really sorry.
I always blame you for not talking to me, not initiating the conversation.
I always feels the wrong lies on you as you avoided me.
It took me years to realize I was the one avoided you first, stopped talking to you first.
That's why you distant yourself from me in secondary four and five.
I am sorry! I did that all because I found out I like you.
The me in primary school bears the same rumor for three years.
I don't like that where the limelight is on me.
I didn't want that to happen in my secondary school life so I chose to distant myself.
In case, if you found out that I like you, you would avoid me.
Hence, before you could do that, I did it first.
I couldn't talk to you as I was not myself in front of you.
I always got the urge to talk about FTISLAND to anger you.
However, you didn't feel anything.
I know all this is on my own feelings.
You didn't like me, and I won't force you to reciprocate my feelings.
Love should not be forced.
I just need an answer.
You telling me you don't like me.
Cancer are so weird, why couldn't they just fade this one-sided love?
Why do we have to hold on even though we know the person we like doesn't like us?
Why do we have to make ourselves suffer?
I don't really understand.
Why am I so insisting you telling me you don't like me so I can move on?
Or am I just lying to myself that maybe you have feelings for me?
My heart, why you don't listen to me? I am dying from this.
I don't want to love someone who don't like me anymore!
I also have the rights to be love.
I shouldn't always be the one at the giving side!
I really hope he knows I like him and give me an answer by then.
But I couldn't bring myself to confess.
Can't I be brave for once and tell him how I feels?
Just this and it will end everything.
The pain and loneliness would then all be gone!
Why is he so dense when comes to feelings?
Why he still don't know I like him?
Does he know already and avoided me because he don't like me?
Then why reply to my messages?
Am I overthinking?
Can I have an answer? I don't want to keep making guesses that are not even right.
I hate him for making me so confused.
If he likes me, just tell me.
If he doesn't like me, please also tell me!
Don't make me hanging here!
I have never fall in love, I don't know how it actually feels.
I really need guidance but who can I find?
He is really making me super headache!
In secondary school, he stopped talking to me out of a sudden.
Then he only talked to my friends.
Even when he was collecting homework, he asked my friend to tell me instead of asking me directly.
Why was he asking for my whereabouts from my friend if he don't like me?
And if he likes me, why aren't him making any moves?
Why did he say he like SNSD when he don't like Koreans?
Why did he tell me he like Korean song when he don't like Koreans?
Why did he always rebutting what I said to my friends in school?
Why was he always in the classroom during recess when he is a sociable person?
Why did he only find me to tell Wee Hiang when he is closer to Elissa?
Why did he tell me his frustrations?
Why did he encourage me when I said I couldn't believe anyone else?
Why did he tell me that he likes a girl in his intern?
Why did he tell me his ideal type?
Why did he continue the conversation in 2015 during internship when he was not supposed to as this action makes me like him more?
I really hate him for being nice to me.
He should not reply to my messages so I could forget about him with the thinking he don't like me.
Why is he always giving the idea that he likes me when he doesn't?
Why am I so fated with him?
I don't want anything related to him if the God doesn't want us to be together.
This painful one-sided love, I will end it no matter what.
Whether if it turns out good or bad, I will just treat it as a lesson for me not to love someone first.
Thanks for the bittersweet love, Chee Ming.
Now I really want you to know I like you or I will just continue struggling whether should I confess or not and this is killing me.
No matter if it is face to face or through text, I will definitely let you know I really likes you.
Or before I do so, please announce you have a girlfriend so I will end it without embarrassing myself.
Love you as of now.
