Saturday, June 30, 2012 @ 6:33 AM | 0 notes
The feeling.....
Aiya , hard to describe!
I want to vomit out all my thoughts.
But the moment of being embarrassing,
and your answer.
I stopped.
Many dramas, i have watched.
Seen so much , but yet it is so different from real life.
Ah, i finally realised.
The world in the tvs is not the same as real life.
You and me , so close yet so distant.
Friends or classmate? I dont know.
My dreams always have you , what about you?
I know it is so ridiculous.
But what can i do ?
I cant take a step forward.
I am avoiding , not wanting to know your answer.
Afraid, the answer might not be what i want to hear.
Hoping , you will repripocatemy feelings.
It is impossible though.
What am i doing ? Here?
Why ? I am not brave enough?
Why , i am lacking of the courage and dare?
Isnt there another way for you to hear?
Arent there?
I dont know...
I am not even sure ,
the one in your heart is who.
I dont know what you are thinking.
Things all about you , i dont know.
Do i have to be clear for you to understand i like you?
I have to ?
Both of us...
Or maybe me?
Maybe i am the only one liking you.
Maybe it is my one sided love.
So you cant feel it.
Letting go? Better for me?
Ahhhh, why am i so stubborn holding on to it ?
Thinking there might be a change in the ending.
It is my sole thinking again....
Miracles doesnt happen to me.
I have not been into a relationship before.
I dont know.
This is not maths question ,
english compre...
I cant solved , i cant answer.
Right or wrong , i cannot differentiate.
Should i just stop ?
Liking you.
Just stop and end it. I told myself millions times.
It just doesnt work.
Can anyone tell , what to do , is the right way?
Life is just so difficult.
I heard something new on the tv.
When you are in your high , enjoy your achievements.
When you are in your low , enjoy your life.
I am in the middle , what am i supposed to do?
Keeping my mouth shut ,
will only make me more sad .
When will you know?
I am totally lost.
In a junction , where i do not know what step should i take next.
Many songs really sing out my feeling....
In my dreams , things seem to be so perfect.
Planning ... and thinking....
The sight of you, the moment i saw you,
my mind went blank ,
and my mouth could not open.
All i can do , is seeing you from far.
Such a loser , huh?
Lack of confident,
afraid everything.
Making me to stand where i am.
Haiz....
even an eyecontact made me felt contented.
There is no other way we can go.
Except for waiting the day of graduation to come.
That will be how i end my crush in secondary school....
Thursday, June 28, 2012 @ 6:04 AM | 0 notes
Tears are rolling on my cheeks.
I had letting those feelings out !
Going to be the 5th years, we are separating soon.
Yet , i have not taken a step.
Crying wont settle anything , i know.
I had been trying to put down this feeling umpteen times.
But it seems how , just cant get out !
No one teach me ,
when you love a person , what should you do ?
how to put down a feeling ?
I been trying to get an answer,
no matter how hard i try , i just cant do it.
This is just like amaths question where i cant solved again.
I been asking myself ,
what exactly you want?
Let off this feeling?
Getting closer to him?
Confessing?
Thinking over and over again , my brain is going to explode.
I am having enough!
One sided love is not as easy as what people said.
Nowadays , i am thinking of him all the times.
What had happen to me?
I have put him down last year,
but how come the feelings is getting stronger and stronger.
Because of him , i am suffering!
When WH told me he seems like having he is having gf.
Do you know my heart shattered?
You know i am upset?
I dont think you know.
Everytime , i decided to take a step back ,
but why , you take a step closer?
Mon and tues , you talked to her.
I decided to stop liking you.
But why , you come to me again?
STOP giving me false hope.
I am not the as strong as how my appearance.
I am having my lows now.
I always say i am prepared , if you are going to let
me know , you like someone else.
Now i know, i cannot take it at all.
I just cannot accept you is liking other.
My heart pain.
Like i cannot breathe anymore.
I am afraid , you will leave.
This feeling is hard to describe.
Saying ' it is okay , nevermind' but i actually cares alot!
NO !! I am afraid you are taken by others.
People always say , if you like someone , tell them ,
Fight for it , dont cry when you lose it.
But i am just lacking that courage, that dare.
I dont dare to talk to you , let alone confessing!
And I really cares , who you like.
I found myself looking at you unknowingly.
During lessons , recess, i am looking at you !
Afraid you is not by my side.
Huh ? WHAT IS THIS ?
Struggling , like and putting down!
Over and over , but i like you even more.
But it is a pity you didnt know.
Maybe, it is my own thinking that i am not suitable for you.
I dont know.
I cannot cross my own barrier,
how can i cross yours?
Hoping you will like me too.
Impossible bah?
ME ? No way !
If it is as what wh said , you is having a gf.
Then congrats.
Actually i am also thinking , what if your gf
is from other school.
Useless me , like you dont dare tell you.
I think i will regret when i leave this school
for not telling you how i feel.
I am also thinking , you like e?
Should be , because among us 5 ,
you only talk to her.
Even if asking for tissue , you only ask,
wh , ht and j .
Just me , excluding me.
When wh gave you my tissue today , your loud voice
change to small voice.
What are you thinking?
You hate me ?
Did i do things wrong of you ?
What did i do ?
Till your attitude change?
We werent like this when we are in sec 1 and 2 ,
it change , it all change when we came to sec 4?
WHY ?
You seldom talks to me .
I felt nothing wrong when in sec3 as i am loving my idol
more than you.
But i started realising , you didnt even talk to me.
Even asking for geog paper last year,
you asked e to pass to you.
Did something happen between us?
Or it is because i am not talking to you?
Or you think i hate you?
I know i always shortened our conversation.
But i just cannot talk to you!
I will shy and try to run away.
i think that is my problem in relationship.
Once shy , run!
Even just now , i dont even dare to look at you !
It is my problem , sorry.
I know , It is my fault.
Causing the reason , for you not talking to me.
Even there is 5 of us ,
you talk to 4 , leaving me out.
I think we really have nothing to talk about.
Nothing , really nothing !
Liking you is my wrong , i am sorry.
I should have not like you.
I should not know you in the first place.
I should control my feelings , I am sorry.
I should confess, I should...........
I know i have lots of should.
But i dont dare...
Why is it so difficult?
SO DIFFICULT?
Cant this like easy questions?
Why not????
Is the sky making fun of me?
I even thought have the same marks with you is a fate.
I even thought being in the same house , ruby is a fate.
Same class for 5 years, everything related to you is a fate.
But i am wrong , it is just coincidence.
I am so stupid.
Really stupid.
Ending is not a solution , let nature takes it course.
Thursday, June 14, 2012 @ 10:27 AM | 0 notes
Father's day is nearing.
Wishing my father to have a smile on his face everyday ,
and lessing his burden , lastly , have a healthy and long life.
I know , sometimes, children may be rude to their parents.
Papa , tolerating very long ...
But dont tolerate so much , it may hurt your bodies.
Sometimes, letting it out is much better than bottling in your heart.
Work maybe stressful , but wait a while more.
We are going to work soon , i will let you have a good life when
the time is here.
I know i am not a filial daughter.
Causing this family to have quarrels everyday ,
shouting and bickering is not you want to see.
I know you wish we three children will cooperate.
But papa , scold is love , beat is deng.
if we quarrel , our feelings will fade out day by day.
Then one day , we wont talk to each other..
Actually , bickering is a way of talking too.
Like this , this family then have happiness ah.,
And papa !
Can you dont sneeze so loudly each time ?
My heart will jump out.
Dont drink so much then start talking rubbish after drunk?
It is weird listening the same thing all over and over.
Dont smoke so much , not good for your health.
And taking in 2nd hand smoke is also not good.
Papa , dont watch so much sexy girl later yaya jealous.
Dont lose your temper so easily.
You dont want me to have your bad temper then set a good example ah.
Not having a mother doesnt matter,
a father like you is enough !
Papa , i love you !
IS FTISLAND BETTER , NOT YANGPEIAN AH!
Happy Father Day.
Hhahahahahahaha !!!
@ 10:16 AM | 0 notes
Missing you , I am missing you.
Thinking of you , wanting to know every bits of you.
Yet you didnt even know.
How come liking someone is so difficult?
Watching dramas , seeing the main characters
being together so easily.
But why it is so difficult to just go a step
closer to you.. WHY ?
I am wondering , imagine
what your heart is thinking.
What will happen if i said ' i like you ' ?
I think and think , it is just thinking.
How would i know if you dont tell me?
How would i know if you dont show me?
There is some lines in Lollipop songs.
Just admit using your eyes,
so i can take a step forward.
But for me , i am staying at where i started.
Phase 1 Phase 2 , impossible.
I hate the feeling of being left alone ,
or you walk away from me.
So i always avoid having relationship with anyone.
Cause i know the ending may not be a happy one.
People always say , you wont know if you dont try it.
I lack of courage , and that dare.
So i am where i first started.
Not moving even if a small steps.
Many times, i am thinking to move the first step.
But with the sight of him , i am freeze.
I dont dare to move. Not even a small movement.
I dont even dare to have a look into his eyes.
Like a stalker , checking his fb and twitter.
What am i supposed to do ?
This , teacher didnt teach in class.
You dont tell me , i wont know.
My mind is full of you , My heart is with you,
But my brain is controlling all this actions.
I think it is because the hurt she left behind.
Making me to think that being toogether
with someone may not bring happiness to anyone forever.
One day , you will separate.
If i dont overcome this thinking , i may be single forever.
What am i thinking?
Am i fated not having someone with me?
Why am i so ugly and stupid?
WHY ?
Why i dont have talent , dont have the beauty,
dont have the brain?
Why am i so useless?
Who will like useless person like me?
I doubt anyone will like.
I lost the competiveness in studies.
I lost the hope on you.
I lose the faith in my friend..
I lost eveything , everything.
Who can help me?
I really need help at this moment.
I cannot tell my parent that i like him .
They will kill me instead.
Mama , please come back and guide your daughter.
Dont leave your daughter settle all these problems on her own.
Please come back!
CM , please dont torture me anymore.
It is difficult to put behind a past,
please dont reminsce it again.
I dont feel myself landing in a lousy family,
i just feel myself ugly and stupid.
I have a loving father , a naggy yaya,
a sister that love me in her heart ,
and a brother dont show his love easily.
A good family , and a ugly daughter like me
I dont know what to do right now.
Moving forward also cannot ,
Taking a step back also not.
Standing at the same point ,
i am suffering !
I hope i will know the method of solving this problem.
So this problem wont surround me anymore..
Thank you !
Thursday, June 7, 2012 @ 8:14 AM | 0 notes
Today is a special , and also a sad day...
Why ?
She did wrong thing , but the blame is all on me?
She made spoilt the TV , but the wrong is me.
I listen to my song , she listen to her song.
Is it wrong ?
And i didnt on louder than her STUPID ipad,
how dare she turn off my song?
Support her ?
Ya , support her more.
I said before ,
i will remove the laughter of this family.
Dont think i am saying for fun.
I will do what i say , just wait for it.
Provoke me ? Just wait and see.
Ya , she is right .
Her song suit you , right ?
Then i will let you listen this kind of song from now on.
Noisy? You bah ?
I only let you listen my song ....
Uh , Dont like it , is it ?
Then her song , you like it , is it ?
Okay , who scare who ?
Her song nice , will let you listen for your whole life.
And YOU, tear my book ?
So i see ,
she exam , i have to keep the whole house quiet to let her study.
I study , she can on her music so loudly.
Now i know , i am nothing in this house.
MADE SPOIL THE TV,
NOW I WANT YOU TURN THIS HOUSE UP SIDE DOWN.
Play ? Play bigger !
I want you to know your place.
Dont ever step over it anymore.
Make me angry , i will let you have a taste of your own medicine.
Dont think i am easy to be bullied ,
like this , you are totally wrong.
Money , this family cares nothing except for MONEY !
Dont go school. This is what you said.
Dont ever go over what you said.
Everytime say the same thing , but no action.
I will help you turn those words into action.
No one cares me , FINE !
Then this world wont have anyone to care you too!
I am the youngest yet i have to act like the biggest.
What HELL world is this?
Justice , NO!
Lawyer , all die already ah?
I have to have a big heart to tolerate all their stupid words?
Then why they dont need to have a big heart?
I have to let them ?
Then who let me ?
They big , i small , so i am easier to be bullied is it ?
Always say i old enough to think ,
then they too young to think larh?
Who hell logic is this?
Who think come out want ?
I am not GOD !
So i cannot tolerate even a small difference.
Say what you are FAIR ,
fair in being unfair to me , is it?
I have to give what i earned to him ,
then she can take what she didnt earned?
WHAT STUPID WORLD IS THIS?
WHAT STUPID LOGIC IS THIS?
WHY DO I HAVE TO TAKE UP ALL THIS?
IS MY LIFE SO SUAY TILL I HAVE TO CARRY ALL THIS
EXTRA BURDEN?
WHY ME ?
You are totally BIASED to her.
Whatever i hope , Whatever i dream , you gave it to her.
Then i ask you , WHAT HAVE YOU GIVEN ME?
Complete Family , Happy Family , DONT HAVE.
Money , NO.
Brain , Stupid then have.
Beauty ? I think you gave wrong le.
I what also dont have?
I didnt pursue for branded stuff.
I just have the interest and hobby to collect magazines and Dvds.
Did i beg for Ipad , Iphone , Trends ?
I didnt , okay .
Then why have you to treat me in this way?
Want me to learn all those stupid life meaning ?
Dont need, this kind of things, dont let me have it.
See also know what will happen .
In dramas, bad guys always lose out.
How come in real life , bad guys win too...
Unfair , Unfair ....
HATE YOU , HATE ALL OF YOU !
HATRED ONLY IN ME!
UNFAIR WORLD.........
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 11:08 PM | 0 notes
Wahhahahaha..
IT'S HOLIDAY...
but what for?
Having holiday like not having it.
Enjoying going back school everyday?
It is more tiring than school days , kay!
Hahahahhahahaha....
Urgh , hate alot people these days.
But hope the hatred will vanish into the air ...
So no ppl will hate me in return..
Now Love GUIWANG !
THEY ARE SO COMPATIBLE.!!
Smilee :P
Updating now is so siannnn.
Wait till i have words to type then i continue.
So thats all for today post !
Update more next time !!
Anyong !
