Saturday, April 21, 2018 @ 1:06 PM | 0 notes
It is 22 April 2018 and it is 3am right now.
I have received a sad new just only, my best friend's brother has passed away.
I do not know how to console people but I hope she don't take it too hardly.
This is heartbreaking as a sibling you have live for so long just leaves you suddenly.
Hope she could be strong enough to go through this in critical exams period.
I am here, if should you need any emotionally or physically help.
I send my condolences to her.
This makes me think about life once again.
Ever since I started work facing different kind of challenges, I have thoughts of giving up.
Maybe I am not fit into this society where everyone are wearing a mask.
I do not know who I could trust and who I could not.
Difficulties are hard to overcome.
The populations here isn't that small, and of course, consists of all kinds of people.
Everybody is just thinking of themselves, this is human beings - selfish.
As someone who could not handle human relationship well, I am stuck.
It is tiring having to think whatever I say is right and does not offend anyone.
Being conscious of my own actions at all times, meaning I have to be tip toe position all times.
Aren't one tired?
I have times where I wanted to just heck care everything and leave.
Yet there are things I could not put down.
I am only 22, and I have been thinking of dying since the last 3 years.
I do not know what's up with me.
People do not want to die are dying.
Yet I am still here.
I do not know what I should do with life?
Is there anyone out there willing to teach me?
I am seeking for help, finding for motivation to keep on living.
3 years back, I am only 20.
Just stepping into the society, not knowing what future lies on in front of me,
I am willing to accept all kinds of industries.
Trying to cope with my new environment, I have family problems ,which could not be settled, lies on my shoulder.
When 2 individuals couldn't agree with each other, the third party would suffer.
And that is me.
Not being able to compromise each other and staying under one roof, an atomic bomb is then set off.
You're tired and so am I.
She could not stand his GF.
He just carry on and does his way without trying to understand her.
Once she is mad, she would start to scold and nag, and that's when hell starts.
She got mad with everyone, causing an uproar every single day.
I could not do anything if they don't try to understand others.
Work alone is giving me a lot of stress, yet I got to face this.
Seriously, I am tired everyday both physically and emotionally.
Everything is a problem regardless of FINANCIAL or RELATIONSHIPS.
They do not want to help out, and what can I do with my little earnings?
This is when I start to realise I am not ready stepping into adulthood.
Once again, I am only 22 but my thinking seems like 82.
I couldn't get into a relationship upon seeing my siblings'.
Sometimes, things get too difficult.
I wanted to end this by killing all of them and suicide.
When this people do things, have they ever think of me?
Have they ever think of their parents?
Like someone, just say it.
Not happy, show it.
If everything were this simple, I would not be in such situation anymore.
As a parent, you could not tell your child your difficulties.
Yet, you can't stand of their way of doing things.
They would not understand if you don't say, isn't it?
Miscommunication only ends up in quarreling.
In a family that does not have peace every single day, will you be happy?
Just as I thought it has been settled, another problem surface up.
Is it not giving me trouble, you all will not be happy?
I am the smallest, my ability is limited.
I have my own things to settle too.
Why you guys just can't think more of others instead of yourselves?
The way you treat me when you need help and they way you treat after I helped.
Please think back of your actions and changed it before it's too late.
I don't know how long I can last.
I am really tired. Tired of this world.
Idiots are everywhere.
Fake people are everywhere.
I knew beforehand, I knew I have to protect myself.
With my damn character, there's no way I can protect myself.
I would not stand up for myself even I know I am not in wrong.
This is me.
How am I supposed to be surviving in this sucked up society?
Dealing with people is something I cannot do.
I am really fed up with all these shits.
Taking blames, being scolded for nothing,
Now I am immune to everything in this world.
I hope there is a place with no human beings, just me alone.
I need the quietness to calm myself down and rethink or rejudge this world.
No motivation, No perseverance, No determination,
all I wanna do is run away from here.
Leaves all problems behind,
Leaves all worries behinds,
and to change my thinking of my life.
I am a coward.
I admit.
I am a scardy-cat.
I know it.
There's nothing I can do.
My brain function too well till I have to rephrase every single sentence I want to say.
In case it may offend anyone.
I think too much.
Too much till I have enough.
I just wanted to talk to him.
Yet I am thinking I may be a nuisance to him.
I wanted to convey my feelings to him.
Yet I am afraid he might run away.
Why do I have to make my life so hard?
Get rid of this damn worries, and character.
This might be why I hate my life.
Because it is not a worth even to take a look back.
Hope HT can quickly get over it, think positively unlike me.
I hope things would only go well for her, she has suffer a lot too.
I want her to live a good life.
That's about it.
