Thursday, June 28, 2012 @ 6:04 AM | 0 notes
Tears are rolling on my cheeks.
I had letting those feelings out !
Going to be the 5th years, we are separating soon.
Yet , i have not taken a step.
Crying wont settle anything , i know.
I had been trying to put down this feeling umpteen times.
But it seems how , just cant get out !
No one teach me ,
when you love a person , what should you do ?
how to put down a feeling ?
I been trying to get an answer,
no matter how hard i try , i just cant do it.
This is just like amaths question where i cant solved again.
I been asking myself ,
what exactly you want?
Let off this feeling?
Getting closer to him?
Confessing?
Thinking over and over again , my brain is going to explode.
I am having enough!
One sided love is not as easy as what people said.
Nowadays , i am thinking of him all the times.
What had happen to me?
I have put him down last year,
but how come the feelings is getting stronger and stronger.
Because of him , i am suffering!
When WH told me he seems like having he is having gf.
Do you know my heart shattered?
You know i am upset?
I dont think you know.
Everytime , i decided to take a step back ,
but why , you take a step closer?
Mon and tues , you talked to her.
I decided to stop liking you.
But why , you come to me again?
STOP giving me false hope.
I am not the as strong as how my appearance.
I am having my lows now.
I always say i am prepared , if you are going to let
me know , you like someone else.
Now i know, i cannot take it at all.
I just cannot accept you is liking other.
My heart pain.
Like i cannot breathe anymore.
I am afraid , you will leave.
This feeling is hard to describe.
Saying ' it is okay , nevermind' but i actually cares alot!
NO !! I am afraid you are taken by others.
People always say , if you like someone , tell them ,
Fight for it , dont cry when you lose it.
But i am just lacking that courage, that dare.
I dont dare to talk to you , let alone confessing!
And I really cares , who you like.
I found myself looking at you unknowingly.
During lessons , recess, i am looking at you !
Afraid you is not by my side.
Huh ? WHAT IS THIS ?
Struggling , like and putting down!
Over and over , but i like you even more.
But it is a pity you didnt know.
Maybe, it is my own thinking that i am not suitable for you.
I dont know.
I cannot cross my own barrier,
how can i cross yours?
Hoping you will like me too.
Impossible bah?
ME ? No way !
If it is as what wh said , you is having a gf.
Then congrats.
Actually i am also thinking , what if your gf
is from other school.
Useless me , like you dont dare tell you.
I think i will regret when i leave this school
for not telling you how i feel.
I am also thinking , you like e?
Should be , because among us 5 ,
you only talk to her.
Even if asking for tissue , you only ask,
wh , ht and j .
Just me , excluding me.
When wh gave you my tissue today , your loud voice
change to small voice.
What are you thinking?
You hate me ?
Did i do things wrong of you ?
What did i do ?
Till your attitude change?
We werent like this when we are in sec 1 and 2 ,
it change , it all change when we came to sec 4?
WHY ?
You seldom talks to me .
I felt nothing wrong when in sec3 as i am loving my idol
more than you.
But i started realising , you didnt even talk to me.
Even asking for geog paper last year,
you asked e to pass to you.
Did something happen between us?
Or it is because i am not talking to you?
Or you think i hate you?
I know i always shortened our conversation.
But i just cannot talk to you!
I will shy and try to run away.
i think that is my problem in relationship.
Once shy , run!
Even just now , i dont even dare to look at you !
It is my problem , sorry.
I know , It is my fault.
Causing the reason , for you not talking to me.
Even there is 5 of us ,
you talk to 4 , leaving me out.
I think we really have nothing to talk about.
Nothing , really nothing !
Liking you is my wrong , i am sorry.
I should have not like you.
I should not know you in the first place.
I should control my feelings , I am sorry.
I should confess, I should...........
I know i have lots of should.
But i dont dare...
Why is it so difficult?
SO DIFFICULT?
Cant this like easy questions?
Why not????
Is the sky making fun of me?
I even thought have the same marks with you is a fate.
I even thought being in the same house , ruby is a fate.
Same class for 5 years, everything related to you is a fate.
But i am wrong , it is just coincidence.
I am so stupid.
Really stupid.
Ending is not a solution , let nature takes it course.
