Wednesday, September 19, 2012 @ 6:03 AM | 0 notes
Hohohohoho.....
I dont know what am i doing?
How can i be so flirt??
Loving this and that .....
I shouldnt be like this...
Wake up !
This isnt going right.
I should not dreamt about him.
I should not like him.
He is not who i am supposed to like.
No no , this isnt going right !
I am afraid i will like him...
I cannot !
No !!! Nope ! Not like this.
He is not the one i should dream of,
not the one i should think of.
Not him , shouldnt be him.
Why did he come into my dream ???
WHY ?? Making me damn confused.
I have to stop this feeling before i cant control it.
Come'on , i can do this.
Forget him and focus on the one i like.
But it seems like all is no use.
The one i like dont like me.
So no matter what , whoever i like,
they wont like me.
However , i hope he CM , will like me!
No him , J !
Hahahahahaha !
I have such a fate with CM last week.
It is during the graduating photo taking time.
when i walked out the conference,
i accidentally touched him.
Then , i hold the door as i am afraid the door might close.
Haha , he hold it then i let go.
I mean it is like so much destiny between us.
But not that love !
Now , nothing much happened.
I am like a fool.
Liking someone who dont like me ,
dreaming someone who dont dream of me,
hoping that one day , he will like me .
Most likely , that will not happen.
I am such a loser.
I didnt excel in my studies.
I am not pretty.
I am fat !
What am i supposed to do to turn this situation?
They always said i am lack of confidence.
With this kind of me ,
how am i going to be confidence?
I AM SUCH A FAILURE.
No matter being a daughter , a friend , or a lover.
As a daughter , all i do is let my family disappointed.
As a friend , i did nothing.
As a lover, i dont even dare to confess my feelings.
Does anyone had this situation before?
Can you at least give me some hints to solve ?
I am confused.
CM ,
i want you to tell me your feelings.
This is what i always wanted.
What i afraid is what you said is not what i expected.
I am scared to fall.
I am at the bottom already , i cannot fall even lower.
I am falling down .. Where are you ?
Everyone already had the taste of being in relationships.
I am this old , yet i have not have any.
Am i too stupid to protect this feeling for 5 years?
Or should i let go , so i can search a better one?
Can cm , you tell me how you feel before we go separate way.
Sometimes, i think you hated me so avoiding me.
Even so , tell me.
Dont need worry i will be heartbroken.
I am already heartbroken , so there is no need to worry.
You already broke my heart.
CM , i hate you !
First , you stole me heart for no reason.
Now , you hurt my heart again for no reason.
If you like me , hint me.
If you dont like me , tell me.
My heart is numb now. Even though my mind is filled with J face.
I also have no idea why he is in my mind.
But he does.
STOP ALL THIS , I AM GOING INSANE.
THIS IS NOT ME , I AM NOT LIKE THIS.
RETURN ME TO ME!
YOU CHANGE MY LIFE INTO A DRASTIC ONE.
YOU KNOW , HCM ?
I DONT KNOW HOW YOU FEEL , THAT WHY I AM
SO FRUSTRATED.
LOSING YOU , WANTING YOU , FOR MYSELF.
You are just like a stranger to me.
I dont know how did come into my heart , my mind and
conquer my whole body.
I knew nothing about you , really nothing.
The words in our conversation added up does not exceed 10 words.
But i like you , i really does.
Does you feel this way also ?
I think not.
Kay , enough here.
The more i write , the more i miss you.
So end here.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012 @ 10:15 AM | 0 notes
My hopes are all gone...
You is still you.
I am still is me.
But the you in my heart is not you.
Did you know when you are around,
my heart pump very fast ?
I am still hoping you will like me at least.
When She broke out the news that you took her car,
i am utterly disappointed.
You is not who you are.
You said pride meant more to you.
Then where is your pride?
I think when hope are high ,
disappointment is even greater.
My is heartaching, can you see it ?
I am wishing if i could turn back time.
If i could, i would not chose to like you once again.
I dont care how many guys are there in this world.
Are they handsome ? Are they rich? Are they clever?
That does not matters anymore.
As long as it is not you, it is fine.
I am envious of you.
Here i am , heart wrenching!
What about you ?
You do not even know anything!
Happily laughing !
I want to spit out my feelings.
There are too many things to consider.
Why is this so difficult?
Is liking someone a crime?
Is liking someone a wrong?
How come i am suffering from liking someone?
While others loving dovey with their love ones.
Am i really that unlucky?
No matter who i like , they wont like me back.
Am i supposed not to like anyone ?
And wait for someone to like me back?
Then why people are saying you had to fight for it?
I am confused.
I hate myself for liking you.
I hate myself for not being smart and pretty.
I hate myself for lacking of confident.
There are just too many times!!!
I am telling myself to forget you and yet ,
now i am still thinking of you.
Really , i need a big impact.
To really put down this feelings.
If you really like E , this impact is big !
For L , he like CF , but CF is not WH's good friend.
And she is already that hurt.
If you like E , I think i wont be able to stand up from this wound.
It will hurt. Just thinking you like her alone,
i am already that sad.
If this turn out true , i dont know what will i react.
How will i react?
How am i supposed to let you know i let you?
How am i supposed to prevent myself from getting hurt?
I am 17 , and i have not been into a real relationship yet.
How was i to know ? You never told me!!
Arent there a win win situation here?
CM , you know ? Do you know?
Or you are in the behind the shadows?
Do not know anything !
Maybe , you knew it and avoiding me ?
If this so , please dont avoid me.
I rather you tell me , you dont like me.
I like people telling the truth. So i will not be lied.
I am tired. So please dont do this to me.
Liking E is not your fault , just tell me.
I can help you think of ways to be with her.
So dont bluff me !!!!
No one say you have to like me
just because i like you.
No rules or obligation....
Just do what you like.
Even how much i wish , i hope
to have all for my own.
Then i realised , you are not mine.
Giving up is not my ways of dealing thing.
This is a special case.
I give up.
I am sorry.
