Wednesday, February 28, 2018 @ 11:20 AM | 0 notes
Konbanwa!
It has been about 9 months since I last update my blog.
To be honest, I has already long forgotten about it.
I have just tendered my resignation letter this Jan and now I am jobless.
And also, I have interviewed for a part time course for university and I am starting in July.
I have to quickly get a job soon if I wanna go Japan with Sam.
Gonna upload my resume in Jobstreet tomorrow.
Hopefully I could get a job soon !
I really want to go Japan with Sam.....
It will then be the fourth time for me to visit Japan.
I do not know which part of Japan makes me wanna go back again and again.
Ah! I know already!
It's my idols....
KinKi Kids, ARASHI, FTisland & Yabu Kota!
My favourite men in this world.
The so called 'husbands' that I know them and yet they do not know me.
I has been reminding myself not to think about CM.
Yet it does the likewise.
The more I reminding myself, the more I start to think of him.
I should really forget about this unrequited feelings.
He is not going to like me.
This is a fact that I should have accept it long ago.
I am just lying to myself that I still stand a chance but it is not going to happen.
Just forget about it, SANDY!
The truth is HE IS NOT GOING TO LIKE YOU.
If he does, he would take the initiative to message you but he didn't.
This already shows everything and WHY AM I STILL HOLDING ON TO IT?
Let go, I should have let go since years ago.
It is not too late.
Let's start all over again!
It is really useless holding on to a feeling knowing the other party would not reciprocate.
I should really stop lying to myself.
I have already wasted so much time.
This is what I have been telling myself and I start to realise something.
I think it was not like this.
It is not his fault and neither do I.
I already let this feeling died.
I am just not wanting to get into a relationship with anybody.
He is just an excuse.
An excuse of not letting anyone in again.
It is not that I am afraid of being hurt.
I am just tired of everything in this world regardless work, family, friends or myself.
I am so tired that I wish I could leave everything behind and just go.
I do not know what is with me these days that I wish I could just die.
When there is no goal or motivation in me, all I can see is the end.
Maybe it is because of the last 2 years that things aren't going smoothly in my family.
Work got tensed and stressed.
Incapable of handling both things together, I started to break down.
I really do not understand why I have to take all the burdens when I am the youngest.
It should not be me.
This is what I thought.
Am I really that good to be able to do well in this role?
No, I am not.
I am not that good or filial as you think.
My heart is not really that big.
I am not that smart to do this too.
So why me?
I think everyone has a role to get things well.
I cannot do this alone. I am sorry.
So please stop saying to rely on me when things happen.
You all have a part to do as well.
Family is not only a person, right?
We all have a role in it so let's just do our parts well.
This would be a better way, isn't it?
Is this why I do not want to get a boyfriend?
Or I am just that not confident to be a good girlfriend?
And there is no one that like me.
I am not that dense like CM not to realise it.
So I would just let natural take its course.
In any case if CM got to know this blog,
ya you are the person I like and can't let go after so many years.
So if you could kindly gives me a reply that you don't me,
I would appreciate much. Thanks.
Don't worry,
I would not pester you like any girl does, as I am not the normal kind of girl you think.
You should know this well after knowing me as friend for so long.
Just give me a hint or you can straight tell me in my face.
I would not mind, as I just need an answer to this unsolved question.
I would stop here today, update the next time if I could remember.
